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A recent study by Spielmann and Mac Donald (2016) makes the case for niceness by first considering how women often find prospective partners today — by looking through, in sequence, a series of photos or profiles.Online dating tools have nearly standardized the process of seeking a potential partner, making laboratory studies that ask people to look through an ordered set of profiles a fairly good representation of how looking for love now happens in real life.While I’m not criticizing the seduction community, it’s important to understand where they fit in.If you’re looking for one night stands, looking to pick up that hot girl just for tonight, looking to be a pickup artist – that stuff will do wonders.This target could have been unattractive or attractive: In either case, the responsive and unattractive target was preferred.These findings underscore the fascinating way context affects social judgements.Just got off the phone with a client and became inspired to write this piece. Mid 30’s, intelligent, successful, and serious about finding a relationship.We’ve been working together for a few months and he’s been lamenting his lack of success.
Women don’t like to be treated badly, and they’re not looking for a jerk to treat them badly.
I reiterate old themes, try to put things into a much-needed perspective.
I remind him that it’s a competitive space, that it’s a buyer’s market for women. He muses that it must be nice to have hundreds of people writing to you.
If women see a hot guy and a not-so-hot guy on dating apps, like Tinder or Match.com, what could make them pay attention to other qualities, like niceness?
How can you work around the "nice guys finish last" problem?