Manner when dating
One of my biggest takeaways while exploring Western Europe for six months was a conversation I had with an Austrian couple. First, I had to come up with a way to describe what I do for a living.
Within a few minutes of meeting in an Irish pub, the lady of the couple asked, "So, is dating a construct of Hollywood? In North America, I say I'm a dating columnist.
This in turn confused me—I get thousands of emails every week with questions, wanting to know how to get a guy to call them back, whether or not a woman is interested, or if they should break up. In Paris, a man I considered to have dated a few weeks (he was adamant we were in a relationship), told me, "Either you're having casual sex, or you're in a relationship. My next question, "Well, then how did you know you wanted a relationship with me? "From the second I saw your picture online and sent you a message, we were in a relationship. We did, however, stroll hand-in-hand along a love lock bridge. In (most places in) North America, a date consists of intention, like art.
If your intention is to get to know the other person for a possible romantic partnership, you're on a date.
There's a ridiculous amount of social pressure in North America to have sex, for men to have "more" partners, and for women to detach emotionally and make it "okay." Almost everyone I met in Europe in their mid 20s to 30s had had one, maybe two, very long term partnerships, and perhaps one casual, one night stand. It's really a method, and a pretty intelligent one at that, to get to know someone before you bond physically with another person.
Not that I have an issue with people who want to have casual sex, and are consciously choosing it as a way to release sexual energy and truly connect.
In France however, there's no such thing as a dating columnist.
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